AN1 (F). a person is sexually objectified—that is, made into a thing for others’ sexual use, rather than seen as a person with the capacity for independent action and decision making; and/or

 

exhaustless ;
pacify in
aspersion

our

codeine ownership
ER
that
s ad ,
fore
anti —
god

loyal ex (act or)
drinking on ana
/ antihistamine

am

subjectified.
co dependent
threat ens
that
has

 

 

 

long island kitchen

everyone surrenders
to someone else, God, or a demon

flesh taste like a thin mint

revising my fantasy
over and over . . .

i have a

psychic
commitment
to you

 

 

 

 

belladonna

what if you could have it ?
id do anything

for a

little hug
don’t blame me- he smells the same

i am not a bad person!

 

 

 

 

 

restricting

it slithers
in waves
secret anomaly

 

 

 

 

 

finally found Dexter
a familiar face

yelling at me
from up above
        it
my pindrops
my sweating
easy prey

to kiss my blisters
to heal my wounds

 

 

 



(L) August
        burning incinerator
         constant
       hypervigilant 
          mewling
     a sweet upheaval
       for sour kiss
  keep spreading infection& 
    mold in every hole

 

 

 

monster eyes

light as a feather
   in paradise
feeling all my pressure points

 

 

 

valentine moon

swimming under abandoned yacht
white plastic island
i am the sole survivor

reap my will
              ,your channel for hate
              ,your silent servant

 

 

 

 

 


low contact

sleep chamber
no one is allowed in
my silk canopy

no light
and no birds

no bodies

 

 

 

 


sprain

my pumpkin carriage has broken wheels
im icyhot
im too far gone

 

 

 

 


lola

coquette—switch

sick and resting

find the place where everything started
and burn it down

kill them all
and let god sort them out

 

 

 

 


atonement

im buying a boat for every boy
im looking for needles in the sandbox


 

 

 

 

skinny
packs
of
salt & pepper
pure
dirt

i feel sick again

not waiting to binge
keeping things short
it’s the anticipation that gives a rush not the ritual itself -
it’s the nature of desire

 

 

 

 


opiate faith

taper candles balanced on the nightstand
                            &
candy 
(like cookies n’ cream)
for example -
she knocks on the door
                &
whispers to the other doctor in the hallway
for example -

 

 

 

 

 


volunteers

chastity
in a loose denim cage
showing it off -
teasing my sisters
on our country commune there is no law
we’ve been drinking fresh milk
& hiding from the industrialized world.
yes it’s good livin on the farm
i come and go as he tells us to
no one kidnapped me.
i choose to be here

 

 

 

 


harbor oaks◄ ►burning bridges

  on us

the walls are painted beige,
(or yellow)
or golden-stained from cigarettes
i haven’t always been a clean person…
(how else would i end up this way?)
but no one deserves jail food!
everyone wants a nice rehab in the country
a girl can dream…

 

 

 

 


big cuts in my arm like paper snowflake
[alone on dark set
- on street corner - in third world]
running and hiding
streetsmart
catatonic
petite
honey

 

 

 

 


what evil lurks

possession
of this small child walking toward us
lifetime entrapment
my enactment/
repetition
(when hands tied, eyes blindfolded, mouth gagged)
what training?
current transitional object -
a dancing, breathing sex toy

 

 

 


222A

burning piss-
       scented heat
       you have to leave
       blood-stained walls
&     tiny quilted purse
a pinch on my sherbet birthmark
i have never felt that feeling
hiding undercovers with my girl
  in dusty trap
  everything looks white
  or yellow
  down here

 

 


kiss kiss blow

   true love went to the spot for me
   fourth plateau/ocean breeze
  an appropriate age for boy

  eating others skin
  sinking in sand
   viscous spine<jumbo shell

 

 

 


A1 (I can’t imagine being in here for weeks, months, or years even. I feel already so out of touch from the world and everyone in it. I guess for the next few days this is my world)

                                              soft emaciating in fear
                                             her nine    -      I beg
                                            wherever
                                                    so often a sky morns
                                           a relayed life
                                           yet
                                           cut us too
                                                    led from worth
                                                     hoof and vein.
                                            no ire ,
                                                 hwy
                                             next guises
                                           hydro,slit,swim

 

 


“tiger”
        2 death …
         my spaghettio
        lil’ baby
        [my slimy]
        you are daddy
        you are god
        the voices in my head
        is you

 

 

 

 


suicide tuesday

                                      violate    
                     fore
 scraping serotonin    
 going backwards in dream
                                breathing life back into me
&                                        sucking it out
       just one more
                                   what’s new pacifier? 
                     un           inhibited
                            blurry     heavenly     ideals
aftermath>>                   intro., ,                    anal-
[          I                        L                  L                 ]
good       effects:         dim\    bad    effects      inc.

                                    first i ever went
eb                        +                                   flow
  ____to the                                         grave
                                           P-
                                          chip
                                      dome
   forever
        sick
                   w/ this madness
FROM: escape
                                            (a midsummer’s)    
                                          to: beside oneself
                            i grew up on a DEAD END-utopia
   everything i leave behind…

rationing purity         as           brightness increases
     eventually  hoping to reach morning dew on
                                        playground 
                                     twisting my ropes as tight 
        as    i         can        hang   
                                          on
                                              keep         twisting back
                 f i n a l l y
   spit

 

 

 

 

 


mommy                                                                      
   illuse                                                                                
when touch me there
he touched you                                                              
   piggie
my mouth still bleeds                                                                                                               
    honeybun    
“even on your worst days”
fill with chunks—
purple haare
,
clots of blood

texas roadhead
primal scene
  re

 

 

 

 

 

 


my beloved

hip pains
-increase opener frequency
tent time    (oasis)
smothering
on heightened dosage
    your smell 
    that smell
your seizures…
remind me im special
daddy is working
daddy always working
aber er tanzt
manchmal

 

 

 

 


Billy

and will we have kapusta?
and will we have city chicken?

 

 

 

 

 


Oakland

under
(family) abandoned pixie stick
pass
over broken glass meadow
livin the dream
saline
ice water
runnin
thru my veins
580
below
chattel property

 

 

 


bleu
popsicle

licking
  inside my nose
licking
   inside my ears

,
slave of sensation

,
angel of death

 

 

 

 


august

i just wanted a glucose drip
very low with dark inside
blackest bile
when i kept vomiting
i called her & she came over
we sat on our bed
she said there was something dark inside of you
my hospital gown keeps falling off, exposing my breasts
i remain semi-conscious
through both sides of the panopticon
you are my suncup

 

 

 


XS

cough syrup
meditation
permanent brain damage
i dont wanna die here like the rest of them
i dont want my ashes to end up in my moms linen closet

 

 

 


morning terror

1 bowl of granola
1 peanut butter&jelly sandwich
½ pink grapefruit
(your daughters need you)
(your daughter needs you)

 

 

 

mourning Elisabeth
absent -
therefore uninitiated
do you even like cigars?
it’s apparent in her language:
at heart -
a good Christian girl

 

 

 

 

red snapper
harbor master
(Mazuchet)
i want fish
& i want you to pay for it
who loves the sun?
ungrateful little cunt
i will never get what i want again
i don’t know what to say
what do you want me to say?

 

 

 

 

not my intention
disrupting his fragile aesthetic
tallying every centipede
secretly watching every move
break all legs
to sever neatly &
to dismiss

 

 


cruel summer (2)

i want to be inside Panera Bread
in Pennsylvania, on top of the mountain.
for every answer, confessing
(i am a gemini)
knife textures
eating well
a bruise

 

 

 

 

Valdes
mothers mary
my soul is somewhere out there still
what floats freely inside my dreams

 

 

 

 

try to imagine that i (her flesh) am lying awake at night,countingtheroseshanging from the ceiling above our bed .endlesswhitenight i dont want any more flowers cremate my body.

 

 

 


receptacle pt.2

I DONT CARE THAT YOU CRIED
I AM THE ONE WHO FEELS BAD!
I’m sorry I really don’t know what came over me

 

 


costa rica

purgatory
petrol station
(constantly worrying, hates everything)
locking the safe, unlocking the safe

 

 

 


receptacle pt.1

receptacle, machine
your sleep sweat
contaminated
my
body
Now
I am
a
testosterone
anti-depressant
dairy product
Now
I am
a
meat
ice beer
cellulitis
Take my fucking skin off.

 

 

 


birthday - asleep switch
like a cat who crawls under a porch when she’s ready to die
there are a million things i want to say to you, but it doesn’t
make a difference       
love is only as strong as the amount of psycho-         
logical control lovers have over one another

left for dead
then i see you in the crowd
you’re all just zeroes and ones

 

 

 

guardian angel
give you water
sleeps with me
good boy
you make me wanna go to church

 

 


martin

7/11
bleeding coricidin pussy
80 mph
put it on but you can’t take it off
it’s hard to look around
when you can’t see anything
backseat of the hummer
starts shrinking

 

 

 


Arkansas

boy scout dreams
I don’t want to give you the satisfaction of who’s who.
Do I even know, really?
You all blend into the same lost object.

 

 

scalping fetish

with sincerity,
with clarity,
“you’re a bad father”
I came back to your remains - little bloody flesh spheres in nest
birds + little mammals eating you.

 

 

“Eastside Girls”

i just want to be a good girlfriend
i just want to drown in the ocean

 

 


I can’t see anything.
I can’t hear anything.
I can’t feel my hands.
When I wake up
I am 3 years old & I am crying

 

 

 


relevé, plié. relevé, plié. relevé, plié. relevé, plié.
    [The director kills herself]

 

 

 

 

I dreamt about you two nights in a row. It’s as if we were really together. You took me to a Canadian restaurant. It was filled with schoolchildren. You bought me cake. The difference between you and me is that you are medicated.

 

 


hollow wound

A pussy.
A crevice.
A valley.
A recession.

 

 


father figure

You smell like an onion.
You smell like old spice.
Armani
  onion.